Not Alone

Mood: Kind of aggravated. I feel really hot (temperatue wise)


Song: None


Obsession: Start of the school year...don't ask. I'll explain soon enough.


Quote: "If you try and fail, get up and try again. If you still fail, that's it, you can't do it." - "Kevin" of Just Another Day

Read this. From the middle to the end, it seems like people are making excuses for her behaviour. I don't know...it doesn't seem right to me.

Yesterday, I was reading something that I thought was exactly what I was trying to say yesterday.

Dear Diary, Everytime I see people on TV kissing (well, more like read about it) or I hear about the cute little things boyfriends have done for my friends, (I don't actually have that many friends with boyfriends) I get soooo jealous! (I don't get jealous, just sometimes I have a longing for it) No one has ever really gone out of their way for me, (Not a guy anyway, not in a sweet kind of way...) but I would love for it to happen! Then again I haven't really ever had a long relationship. (I've only ever had one relationship and that was for about two weeks. But then, I have nothing to compare to) Maybe someday. It's partly my fault because I do have trouble settling down with one guy (so very true) and even if I end up with a good guy he usually screws me over. (That's never happened to me though) Oh well, I get so impatient with guys. (When they annoy me and I get angry at them) All the good ones are taken! (That seems true too...but no offense to any guys I know but I don't know, they're not really 'good.' Ah well.) - "Theresa" from Real Teens, Diary of a Junior Year

It was also reading this that made me start thinking of Grade 11. Everyone in the book was talking about how their Junoir year (or Grade 11 for me and people I know) is supposed to be the most important. And in a way, I kind of think that's true. Cuz you know how two years have passed for me already. Grade 9 was more for adjusting and Grade 10 was getting ready for grade 11. And Grade 12 is when we graduate, so it's not really important homework and studying wise. I'll worry more about this later.

I really feel that grade 11 is going to be different. I don't know why but I just feel like it will be. Maybe my resolve to actually do well is stronger than normal. I'm not sure. Hopefully, things will work out for me.

I think Linda's home now and I really want to call her but I don't want to interrupt if she's sleeping off jet-lag or whatever. I have to ask an important question. Anyway, I have stuff to plan.

Yesterday, and the day before, I tried going to bed earlier than I usually do but I can't! I was laying in bed for hours before I fell asleep! What's wrong with me? Is my body really that used to late hours? I think that the only way to get myself back into normal hours is to miss a night of sleep. But I can never find anything to do in the wee hours of the morning. Oh well, we'll see. School starts in a month and I need to get back into normal hours soon.

I feel bad...it's just that yesterday, I was writing back an e-mail to Matt and I told him about how I feel about him recently. Which is now very platonic. I know I've said that it was different. But I said that about my last crush too. Maybe it's because I was such good friends with Matt and then liking him just made me care more. I don't know. I feel really bad now. Because you know with his parents and everything....I don't know anymore.

On a much lighter note, I just wanted to explain something. (This is mostly for Leah's benefit) When people tell me I'm crazy, I usually say, "No, I'm just insane." Insane is supposedly much more"crazy" than well, crazy. Also, when you're crazy, you're just crazy. When you're insane, you're a genius. lol! It's just that I find the theory that people who are insane is actually much more sane than we know, is something to think about. I mean, what if insanity is reality? And we're the ones who aren't right in the head? It seems Matrix-y but really. Think about it. And it's like when they lock away the insane, they're hiding something. *shrugz* Granted, I know that there are some who probably is actually crazy but yeah...

The Stars And The Moon

Mood: Thoughtful


Song: "Miss You" - Dream


Obsession: The ages of the older Weasley brothers.


Quote: "Why do we live if we die in the end? What's the reason in that?" - MM again. A follow-up of the last quote.

You know I'm not in a rush to find a boyfriend. And really I'm not. But when I read and hear all that stuff about love, it's like my heart really wants something like that. Sometimes, just sometimes, I think it would be nice to have someone. People in my romance novels (the cheesy ones that only Harlequin can publish but sweet nonetheless) stay with the person they love even though they know that the other person may not stay and the first person can't live without the other. It's something to consider, loving someone when the person doesn't love you back. Somehow that seems wrong but I know about it even if it wasn't love. lol, aren't crushes mostly that way? One person liking the other who may never like them back? Ah well. I'm not quite sure what I'm taking about. I'm very firm in saying that I don't want or need a boyfriend. But still, once in awhile, I think it would be nice. For me, it's always when I read romance and watch it...and that's like torturing myself somehow. *shrugz* Hmm...

Leah came home yesterday! She got me a gift! lol, she says she can't send it to me because I didn't give her my address so she scanned it and sent me a picture of it. She sucks cuz I really want it! Argh! It's French lace which is pretty and I like things like that. But I heard how Belgium has better lace. I know it's all just lace but they're pretty and frilly and girly and expensive! >.<

Now that I think about it, I want to take Fashion Design. It's interesting to me and I can actually draw clothes, compared to everything else. I think it would be cool to become a designer of any kind. I wanted to become a interior decorator but supposedly, we're supposed to draw it out and see if your customers like it or something like that. I can't draw straight lines, not even with a ruler (well, most of the time I can). Hey, who knows? Maybe one day, you'd all want to wear something from Virginia Designs. lol!

Inability to Say No

Mood: Intrigued


Song: "Rock This Country" - Shania Twain


Obsession: Party Invitations


Quote: "It says in the Bible that everything happens for a reason, or something like that. But what's the reason for everything happening for a reason?" - Mackenzie Malfoy (The friend who also laid claims to Draco Malfoy. But Kenzie, we know he likes me best. =P)

Read this. I understand the reason behind wanting a child murderer to get a death penalty. But really, it's just the same as he killing a kid. An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, right? When you think about it, people wanting a person to recieve the death penalty is just as bad as people who go out and kill. Granted, the killers seem worse but is there a difference? I mean, the people who want to see someone get a death penalty wants the person to die. The only difference is, those people won't be involved, they're not the ones killing anyone, they don't have to lift a finger, they just say, yes, that's the right thing to do and watch their government kill someone. Some of the same people don't want wars to happen. But you know what? The two sides of war is the same. They think they're fighting for good and find it horrendous that the other side is killing people, etc. But neither of them stop from killing people, because they think they're doing it for some kind of good cause. Like in the older times, freedom. So you gain some freedom, what about the people you take over? They won't get the freedom that you wanted because you think of them as the enemy, someone undeserving of freedom. Think about this, you were once in that position you put your enemy in, you should show you're better than them by accepting them (not that I find it great that someone is killing people, just that you don't want to stoop to that level) and heck, they'd even hate you for being nice to them. *shrugz*

You know what I've been doing for the past two hours? Sitting in a chatroom with various different nicknames, seeing what names guys react to. *shudders* It's not the fact that I was in a room (though not literally) with over 70 horny teenagers (or some who wasn't), )ok, maybe that was partly that) but the fact that people were desperate enough to go there. And who knows the meaning of cybering? At least they probably have imagination going for them. Right, so here's the big question. What were you doing in there? See this takes a long time to explain, in the year of 1986, I was born... lol, kidding. Remember my friend's friend? TYhe one who wants to prove guys are depressed if they don't have sex? It was part of his research. And I seriously don't want to know why I agreed. Maybe I hit my head while I was sleeping. Come to think of it, I think my friend had something to do with it. She said, and I quote, "This might be funny." And it was, in a weird, you-gotta-be-us-to-understand way. Or the fact that 4 out of 5 guys claim they lift weights, have a tattoo and blue eyes. Sad to see that the information highway has a dark side, or...just hormonal. Just remind me to never ever say yes to these kind of requests again. lol, even if it really was quite amusing.

But amidst them all, there's always a nice guy, isn't there? Well, usually you hope there is. And there was. Some guy named Danial. *shrugz* He could be lying about everything he says but then, on the bright side, he hasn't asked for my cup size, so you know, whatever. lol! Ah well. I notice I meet a lot of people online. There was once this really interesting guy I talked to that was really sweet. He had a girlfriend who moved far away but he saved money and everything just to go to her prom. I thought that was sweet, especially since they were having relationship troubles but he did it anyway. But anyway, I don't know what happened to him. Since I got a new computer and everything, I lost his contact. I can go on and on about online friends I've known but that's kinda long. Sadly though, I don't seem to remember many real life friend stories. *shakes head* Tsk, tsk.

Long time no blog

Mood: Content, Satisfied


Song: "Brown Eyes" - Destiny's Child


Obsession Perfecting imagery in my writing. I think I may go overboard on details soon.


Quote: "To each his (her) own"

Since I don't feel like reading news tonight, we will learn a new word. Unless you know what it means, that is.

ju-ju - n., pl. -jus. 1. a fetish or amulet used by some West African peoples. 2. the magical power attributed to such an object. 3. a ban or interdiction effected by it. 4. a style of Nigerian popular music using electric guitars, traditional drums, and call-and-response singing.

I haven't blogged in a couple of days. A little rare for me. I've been quite the busy bee (well, kind of). So yesterday, I went downtown and the general downtown area, like Chinatown, Queen's street, etc., isn't so hard to navigate. Granted, it's not a big area that I'm talking about all the same. Anyway, I didn't get anything anime-related (though I REALLY wanted that Digimon CD at Kiki Wai...), but I did get a bracelet, vowed to myself that I'll be getting all my formal dresses downtown and still have time to visit Silver Snail. Oh right, forgot to mention the candy I bought to. See, I found Twist'n'Fill at this candy store and they're my favourite candy in the whole world (maybe besides BodySmart Chews) and they're not sold anymore. Ah well... I realized that I have many memories of Chinatown. I used to go there a lot when I was a kid. Everywhere we went I was like, "oh hey! I remember that..."

Today, I went to see The Bourne Identity and if you haven't seen this movie, you should! It's really good and it really makes you think. It's a good movie. Go see it! After that, we kind of walked around the mall a bit, nothing special happened....except this was the first time I've ever known Lucinda to be late! lol!

Anyway, after reading Steph's blog, I just had to comment. I just think that if a person has strong morals and will (and perhaps something I don't know the name for) then it's a matter of choosing what you'll do and what you won't. Like raving wouldn't be bad. There are drugs and stuff there but if you take precautions, I think it would be fine. I guess...that's just how I am. I tend to like to do things like stay out (not that late, I hate going home in the dark when no one can drive me) and I'd like to try raving and go clubbing, but I also have limits. I don't like staying out after dark if I can't get a ride home, I would never smoke or even try, and one thing that I've seen a few of my friends do (you all know who you are) that I'm never doing is drink. I don't know...somehow alcohol and cigarettes are imprinted in my mind as really bad things (which they are...but yeah...) and it's something I wouldn't touch. Plus a good thing about my friends is that I don't get peer pressure (well, 'cept for the drinking thing, stupid Eric) and even if I did, I don't really like following people's orders or whatever, I don't like being made to do something (except when it comes to things adults tell me to do...I'm just a good girl at heart that way, lol) that I don't want to. I don't feel like I need to do things to be accepted (though there are occasional issues). I guess I'm just stubborn that way.

Sometimes I wonder about my choices and actions. Like some day ago, Pearl was talking about how it was cute (in a good, non-childish way) that I was saving my first kiss. First kisses are made out to be special and everything, and I guess that's a reason why I'm waiting. Besides, I think I'm nervous about that kind of contact with someone else. So I stay away from such games as Spin the Bottle (which was when I found out my best friend, Helen had kissed someone and never told me) and if I play Truth or Dare, I expressly state that I would kiss no one on the lips (which Helen seems fond of trying to make me do). I just think a first kiss is too special to waste on a stupid game or dare. I'm happy about waiting, it's not like I'm desperate for someone to put their lips on mine... lol, stating it like that gives me the creeps. Anyway....I think I'm putting two days worth of steam in here. so I should probably end this now.

Oh! I almost forgot! Leah is coming home soon! Tomorrow in fact! And then Linda is coming back from her trip, and then Rae is coming back on Sunday (when Rinny is leaving...) and then guess who's going back home? Well, I know his home isn't here but yeah... *sigh* Then he's leaving again for some camp. At least he'll get internet there. Ah well...

Adam on YTV

Mood: Happy!


Song: None


Obsession: My new Syaoran toy from Taco Bell


Quote: "As beauty is in the eye of the beholder, happiness is in the heart of a person."

Guess what? Adam Gregory was on YTV! =P He's this country singer. He's 17, really cute (or hot, if you will), Canadian and seems nice enough. He's also part of the reason I watch CMT. Hehe, I'm not normally this obsessed-sounding but he was on TV and *sigh.* =) My only regret was not turning on the TV earlier when the Zone started. Ah well, I got to see him wear an apron. Good enough. =D I've liked this guy since I saw his music video on CMT a year or so ago.

I also got a Syaoran toy from Taco Bell, and it gives out lil stickers. It's so cute! I have a soft spot for this guy. I think he's the one who made me like the 'silent' type.

OK, now that I finished talking about my excitement. My morning crankiness. Maybe it was lack of sleep, maybe it was my headache (due to lack of sleep) but this morning I was really cranky. I had to wake up at 9:30 and I have no idea when I slept so yeah... Anyway, the TV was too loud for me, my mom was talking on the phone too loudly, I was silent til after 12. Everything was annoying me ('specially my bro). But then when I think about it, I'm not a morning person...ever. I'm like that on school days. I wake up and it's like I go through a slow process of waking up. Like I'm physically awake but it takes a bit longer for me to be mentally awake. And all I can do is sit and wait and get annoyed. Weird, I know.

I got a new writer! Well, she's only part-time writer but that's still a new staff member for Opinionated!! Yay! *throws some confetti* It's Lucinda!

Hmm...you know, I have a feeling something bad is going to happen to me seen. I'm being too happy. I have a Syaoran figurine, Taco Bell, coke (when I really wanted some), a new writer for Opinionated, Adam was on YTV and some good books to read. And not to mention I have money to buy something if I wanted at Kiki Wai. Something bad will need to happen to balance it out. Hopefully, it's not that bad.

Microtechnology

Mood: Sorta happy, a little bit.


Song: Honey - CardCaptor Sakura song


Obsession: Trying to perfect my story.


Quote: "Things aren't always what they seem."

Read this. It's all well and good in times of emergency but I think there are things to be considered. Like what happens to the chip when a child's body changes. Because the younger we are, the faster we grow, kinda. Then by the time they grow older, I really don't think they would appreciate having a foreign object inside of them.

The reason I put news up is because it's interesting. It helps me keep up with the news and it's fun. I post up articles I find interesting to share with others. *shrugz* For lack of something to do mostly.

Today, I went to 'yum cha' with my mom, bro and some old friend of my mom's. I figured my mom's friend would be a woman and about her age. Well, it didn't turn out that way. My mom's friend was much older (no offense to him or anything) and it was really interesting to know that he was Chinese and spoke English really well. Most elderly Chinese people that I know, either don't speak English (or just a few words) or they do speak it but not very well. Yeah, and I found that interesting. And this man carries A LOT of money. It seems so unsafe... But anyway, it's really interesting to find that he was well informed about stuff too.

I don't know why but whenever my mom talks to her friends, they all have to talk about my future plans. Like where I go to college or University. And what's worse is when I'm there, they speak about it like I'm not there. And my mom seems to have this need to tell everyone that I want to be a writer. And they ALL seem to have the same kind of reaction. It's like they're thinking, "why do you want that kind of job for?" But they want to be polite and so they go, "That's good. It's good that you're doing what you like. At least you know what you'd like to be." So disappointing. But one day, we'll see. Plus my mom ALWAYS wants to talk about how I want to go to University of Windsor with other people. I want to go because they have a really good creative writing program. Then she discusses how it's too far and I'd have to rent a place to live with this other person. Argh, so annoying. Why is she discussing what I should do with other people who probably doesn't really care, instead of me? I sometimes wonder if my mom just wants me to see other people's reactions and get disappointed and plan to do something else. Like become a doctor or lawyer so that I would have to pay attention to my studies to get good marks. =P My mom seems to think that the only way I'll get into university is if I get incredibly high marks. Once, I tried explaining to her that my marks are fine and they might not be high, but it depends on what universities look at. She didn't get it. I stopped trying.

Anyway....enough of that. It's kind of amusing to watch adults fight over paying the bill. It's kind of...childish in a way. When we were all done, my mom and her friend both reached to grab it first. My mom's friend got it first. And he tucked it away under his plate so my mom couldn't get it. And my mom slapped (a playful slap...>.< that makes my mom sound like she was flirting...err...anyway....) his arm and they actually ARGUED for the freaking bill. Adults...and they find us unreasonable.

I conclude this by saying...it was really nice to finally get out of the apartment. This is getting long and I want to go read the books I got from the library so I'll talk about my morning crankiness later.

Opinionated

Mood: Neutral


Song: None


Obsession: Hmm...none.


Quote: "There is always more to a person than what you see."

Opinionated is finished! Yay! *dances around* Now all I have to do is update it. Yup! That's all I wanted to say about that.

To anyone who cares, sadly to say, my interest in Draco/Ginny romance is fading. I can tell when I don't feel up to reading D/G fics like I used to. However, I'm not quitting Harry Potter fanfiction yet, not by a long shot. I hope to finish off the rest of my D/G fics (the published ones, anyway) before my interest in it is entirely diminished. D/G will always be my 'ship of preference in Harry Potter. I still believe they're destined (funny, how I don't believe in destiny though) to be. Maybe not in the actual books but still, a girl can dream, can she not? I've just moved onto different 'ships, mainly Sirius, Severus and Remus paired with an OC. I thank many people who have supported me in my D/G writing. I still love D/G, just that now, I love it with less passion. I may pick it up after the second movie because the Philosopher's Stone (or more specifically, Tom Felton) started me on it. Just remember, no matter what, Draco & Ginny RULE!

Take Cover

Mood: Amused, don't ask.


Song: Gundam Wing Ending


Obsession: Finding something to do.


Quote: "Sometimes things happen for a reason, and sometimes they don't. Why does it matter anyway when it has already happened?"

Read this. Circle it in your calenders, that's when we'll all die. No, not really. Like they said, they need more research to eliminate the probability of such a thing happening. I especially like the title. "Asteriod May Hit Earth but Don't Panic." Ah well, interesting enough.

I have now officially put myself under house arrest. I haven't left to go outside for almost a week. It is killing me. I have to wait til Tuesday to get out of here. Well, not that I can't go anywhere tomorrow. Just that there's nothing to do. Tuesday, I'm going to be going downtown to visit Kikiwai! Yay! Now if only I had money to buy something then I'd be set.

Didn't do much today. I missed my show though. It was supposed to air at 6 but I forgot and by the time I remembered it was 6:45. Anyone else watch Cooking Master Boy? I still find the name humourous. But anyway...I had the hiccups today and then my brother said something funny. Let me tell you that laughing and hiccuping at the same time is really hard.

I'm trying to find a bookstore to explore. Like the ones you see on TV that are kind of old and they have those leather-bound books and everything. Or one similar enough to it. Anyone know of one? I wanted to see who different it was from the regular bookstores. Hmmm...